*--From yesterday's conversations: "In a week,
I'll be 60 next year." Probably a little too much math for
the holiday season. That does not diminish its truth or its
power to amuse.
20 December 02021 (T + 27): An Opportunity
Missed
27 years ago today, I did not think to predict "This woman whom I
just met seems like just the type who will be appointed to a
public library board of directors 27 years from tonight."
I'm not sure how I missed that.
I am not so confident in my prediction skills to claim that I
could have nailed down the city, but it seems like I should have
gotten the rest of it straight.
M-->
14 December 02021 (Happy birthday yesterday* and tomorrow!):
Ponderable
I was in the grocery store a couple of days back, to buy 1 item.
The clerk insisted on bagging it. I took it out of the bag,
got my receipt, and walked away. A perfectly reasonable and
entirely congenial transaction.
But it got me thinking: Is there any circumstance when one would buy
a single item at a grocery store and need a bag to carry it out?
I exclude package liquor from this question, for there are some laws
in some places that require that to be bagged lest someone, I don't
know, see it. (And I've purchased fewer than 10 bottles of
alcoholic beverage in my lifetime, so I'm guessing a bit even
there.)
M-->
*--In the case of yesterday, happy 1/6 birthday and
happy 2/3 birthday also.
10 December 02021 (Happy birthday yesterday!): ACME-18/AVMX-12–Another Year, 10 More Songs
On 19 November, Ken Levine (whose weekly podcast dedicates one
episode annually to obscure holiday tunes. Here's
this year's version.) posted the following on his excellent blog:
I see that Sirius/XM has 19 channels
dedicated to playing Christmas music. There aren't 19 Christmas songs!
Certainly it seems like that sometimes.
It is in part for that reason that I continue this dodecade-long
quest of spotlighting underplayed songs o’ the season.
Seasons, actually.
1. It’s (Already) Beginning to Look a
Lot Like Christmas, Capitol Steps. Though the
Steps are no more (The
Markives, 2 March 02021), their legacy lives on.
This one shares my sentiment about the expansion of the winter
holidays well beyond their right and proper starting date.
However one might define “right and proper”, of course, which in
any event shouldn’t be before Thanksgiving.
2. Traditions
of Christmas, Mannheim Steamroller. I’ve not
included any MS tunes on these lists until this year, largely
because of the remake factor. After digging a bit, I turned
up this original from their second album, so we have the sounds of
the Steamroller with the added advantage of new holiday music.
That’s a win/win, from where I type.
That said, this song also exists with lyrics. While ditching
the words may make this a little more difficult to tag as a
holiday tune (we kind of need to fall back on “Mannheim
Steamroller, despite its range of works, is largely and
perhaps unfairly known for Christmas music”, which is less than
fully satisfying), I prefer the instrumental version, and so
that’s what’s linked up there.
3. Star
of Wonder, Roches. A study in contrasts presents
itself here. Right after an instrumental holiday tune, we
have...an a cappella number.
Put it all together (though you shouldn't) and you have two
complete songs with both music and lyrics. But they're
really better off appreciated separately.
Owing to the nature of the calendar and the radio stations I
listen to, a lot of the research for each year's AVMX list happens
11+ months beforehand, after the previous year's list goes live
and I start hearing a wider range of holiday tunes. I was,
as is my nature, casting about the I'net last night looking for
inspiration and came across hipchristmasmusic.com,
which is a gold mine of the obscure and unjustly neglected among
holiday music. Also at least a silver mine of songs that
deserve their obscurity, but one learns to take the bad with the
good in projects like this.
The net effects of this calendar quirk are that 3 songs were taken
off the original version of this year's list and replaced by
late-breaking discoveries, and there are already at least a dozen
tunes in the holding pen for 02022. Sometimes songs that
seem like good choices in mid-December don't hold up so well when
revisited the following early December.
As to this number: Karla D. is perhaps best known for her album Is
This A Cool World Or What?, from which this song is not
taken. The album cover made it a favorite at Winter Camp
back in the days when Winter Camps could be counted with single
Arabic digits.
I want to believe that the home movies shown in the video are
actual family footage rather than something put together for this
project, but my willful naivete only extends so far.
6. My
Kind of Present, Meghan Trainor. I have organized the
collection (now 121 tunes) of AVMX music into a variety of
overlapping subcategories, which is useful when I’m
fast-forwarding through the flash drive that houses the whole list
looking for certain types of holiday music. A category
that’s kind of new this year is “Fun, but not necessarily funny”,
which I’ve mentioned as an idea several times (both of Jimmy
Buffett’s contributions, for example) but not quite formalized
before.
This song qualifies. I like MT’s work in general, but she
went off a cliff for a while there after All About That Bass
and Title, revealing herself in Dear Future Husband
and Lips Are Movin’ to be what Harry Burns would have
called a “high-maintenance woman”. It’s good to see that she
has pulled back from that edge a bit.
7. Cozy
Little Christmas, Katy Perry. Kind of a double shot
here, with #6. Two songs by popular singers who recorded
something new for the holidays. This is a trend that I like.
There was a third song that was on the edge of making this a trio
(which was not one of the 3 late cuts), but I has a suspicion that
it might blow up and get too much exposure sometime soon. If
I’m wrong, which is likely, maybe we’ll see it in 02022.
I woke up on the morning of 1 December with this song running
through my head, which I interpret as evidence that the universe
wants it in AVMX.
Far be it for me to deny the universe a simple request that is
consistent with the format around here: a fun little number that
isn’t overplayed in the annals of Christmas comedy.
The video here isn’t over any decency lines that concern me*, but
it’s Right. Up. Against. The Line. in a number of
places.
Feature or bug? You be the judge.
Optical matters aside, this is a nice little tune that is probably
getting all of the attention it can.
10. Santa
Island, Na Leo. After #9, a more upbeat–one
might even go so far as to say “peppier”–song seems called for to
close out this list. And there’s usually something peppy
among the music of Hawaii, including but certainly not limited to
the holiday tunes. After all, the ukulele, like the
banjo, is not an instrument on which to play the blues.
Io Saturnalia!
M–>
*–If indeed such lines even exist, which is an iffy proposition.
1 December 02021: How Did It Get To Be
December Already?
Never mind that now.
On the list of reasons why it's sad that the Capitol Steps are no
more, add "Dr. Mehmet Oz has announced he's running for the U.S.
Senate from a state in which he does not, evidently, currently
live."
Leaving out the reasons why this is a bad idea, I offer the
following obvious start on a parody of this development to
whomever wants it:
He's---off to run for Congress! He wants to be Senator Oz!
M-->
30 November 02021: Omicron Ascendant, or The Search For The
Bright Side, Revisited
One thing that has emerged from the current
Omicron variant of the virus that need not be named otherwise is
that that Greek letter is getting more prominence than it's ever
gotten outside its homeland.
In the 24-pack of letters that is the modern-ish Greek alphabet,
omicron may well be the least-used anywhere, in no small part
because "" is
not terribly useful as an algebraic variable. It doesn't
even seem to be the name of a subatomic particle outside of Star
Trek.
Iota is down there with omicron, but manages to outrank it in
prominence because it's been co-opted as an English word.
I also like that most of the coverage of Omicron is pronouncing it
with a long "o", as I have always done. If we could get
people to agree on "fy" rather than "fee" for , that
would be a nice bonus.
While I wish no new variants on the world, it'd be interesting to
see how WHO responds to variant #25*. They may well turn to
the Cyrillic or Hebrew alphabet, but I'm holding out for "Koppa".
Not "Kappa", "Koppa": the now-obsolete Greek letter that is in
some tenuous sense an ancestor of our "Q".
M-->
*--I know
that they deliberately skipped nu and xi in naming
variants. My point stands, even if it'd refer to variant
#23.
21 November 02021 (26 years later): Not Exactly The Same
Milestone As An Adult Beverage
That hypothetical child (The
Markives, 21 November 02016) born at the Battle Creek
hospital on the day of Laurie's ultimately nonfatal car accident has
to come off his or her parents' medical insurance today.
Again, I wish her or him all the best.
M-->
16 November 02021 (Happy birthday yesterday and tomorrow!):
On Reflection, A Really Good Question
John Oliver's show last Sunday had some interesting
thoughts about unions, to be sure, but I was drawn to what he
surely intended as a throwaway line before the heavy-hitting
material started:
Why aren't there more breakfast soups?
(This was at about the 5:14 mark, for those
clicking through.)
I am not a soup eater, so this is of purely academic interest to me,
but the question lingers in my mind. There's runny Cream of
Wheat, I suppose, and maybe Froot Loops with too much milk, but it
seems like there's more potential there to be explored.
In honor of the day, and since everything* is online these days:
M-->
*--Everything except the one thing you're looking
for, of course.
9 November 02021: In Between Worlds
So Book #5 is going to be about poker
mathematics, and while doing some research yesterday, I found out
about an article in Life magazine from 01968 that seemed
interesting.
It did not seem unreasonable that said article would be online
somewhere, and though I
did indeed find it, it was not in a print-friendly format,
or, for that matter, in an easily-read-on-screen format.
Nonetheless, I confirmed that it was indeed interesting and worth
procuring a copy. (I tend to prefer hard copies of articles,
where I can scribble in the margins annotate as
I need.)
Inspiration then struck me: Life is a legacy publication,
so surely my employer's library would have a hard copy that I
could photocopy.
Half right.
Finding the bound volume was easy enough. Finding a
photocopier that could take an 11 x 14 page was another matter,
and definitely a 21st-century thing. What the library had
was a combined printer/scanner/copier that would have produced a
color copy, but which only had an 8.5 x 11 viewing window.
(Truth be known, this was intended more as a printer than as any
of its other functions.)
Sometimes it's necessary to improvise. So I asked the
librarian if I could walk the volume over to the science complex
and copy it there if I promised to bring it back right away.
She agreed, and I got my copy. The volume (May-August 01968)
was unavailable to other patrons for about half an hour; I am
fairly certain that no one's work was disrupted by its absence
from the stacks.
Moreover, the library's periodical usage statistics will correctly
reflect this adventure--this was the professional concern of the
resident librarian of The
Markives when I told her the story last night. And
rightly so.
M-->
5 November 02021 (Happy birthday, and happy half-birthday!):
There's No Going Back Now
Steve from Allen Park, MI courteously alerted me to the fact that
WNIC has gone ACATT, and that their first holiday tune was the
Jackson 5 remake of "Santa
Claus Is Comin' to Town".
Which his informant described as "Awesome !!!!!!!!!!!!"
I am not nearly so blown away, but hey, you do you.
M-->
3 November 02021*: 500 Razor Blades Fell Out Of My Ceiling Today;
How Is Your Day?
Once again, we have one of those sentences that
one seldom, if ever, finds occasion to speak.
Here's what's going on: Laurie and I are having plumbing work done
to fix a leaky pipe inside our walls. As one expects, this
involves demolition and eventual reconstruction of said walls, and
others near them. It turns out that there's a veritable
spaghetti bowl of pipes that have to be navigated (and, one might
hope, optimized a bit) back there, which has surely amused our
plumber.
As to the title of this installment: Our upstairs bathroom, we
learned today, apparently had a used razor blade catcher in the
back of an old and since removed medicine cabinet that, long ago
(because I've contributed nothing to it), overflowed its catch
basin and piled up a lot of dull metal** that fell into the space
within the walls. When that wall was taken out today, well,
there was quite the cascade of historic shaving devices. I
regret not being there to see it all.
May your life be differently interesting.
M-->
*--On holiday intrusion: Sirius/XM has launched Holly, on
channel 105. Other stations will follow later, or so I
understand. I've not tuned in yet.
**--Fun fact: "Dull metals" was one of Professor Roy Hinkley's
specialties (when we wasn't working on his book Fun With
Ferns) on Gilligan's Island.
1 November 02021: 'Tis The Season To Bite Holly, Fa La La La La,
La La La La
Mariah Carey, who has as much right to declare this as probably
anyone, and should be taken no more seriously than anyone else, declared
the start of the Christmas season at not even one tick after
midnight this morning.
Wishing does not make it so. (WNIC
and WFMK have not yet flipped to
ACATT, and Sirius/XM seems to
be taking its time rolling out this year's holiday channels.
There was a big channel update this morning, but I haven't found
Holly yet.)
39 days until 10 December.
M-->
1 November 02021: Ashes To Ashes, My
Thoughts on Rust
If the I'net is to be believed, which is a pretty big "if", there
are an awful lot of people out there who fancy themselves as more
careful in handling firearms than professionals.
This I gather from some of the responses of Internet commentators
to the recent incident on the set of Rust*.
It's truly amazing how many people are willing to state, for the
record albeit anonymously, that certainly they would never
take anyone's word that a firearm wasn't loaded--even a
professional whose job it is to assure that--and would surely
check any such weapon handed them. This without any real
knowledge that I can see about protocols in place for exactly this
sort of thing, including but not limited to the fact that an actor
fiddling with the chamber leads to a restart of the whole
certification process.
It's easy to be virtuous when you'll never be called on your
claims. This is amusing in part because I tend toward
leftward-leaning segments of the commentariat, many of whom are
highly unlikely ever to be in a position where they'll handle a
handgun and carry themselves with a curious unearned sort of pride
over that.
Thought experiment: If the shooter in this unfortunate accident**
had been someone with a better popular image, this wouldn't be
getting this level of undeserved attention. Discuss.
M-->
*--You know the one.
**--Which is what it was, for everyone not
directly involved in the production.
24 October 02021: Mmmmmm: Holly!, 02021 Edition
Steve from Allen Park, MI called me today to
alert me that Hallmark has flipped two of its channels, Hallmark
Channel and Hallmark Movies and Mysteries, to all-Christmas
programming last Friday. (On further review, Hallmark Drama
has not yet made the leap.)
It is indeed right and proper that news of this magnitude should
merit a phone call.
Assuming, with no real justification, that the channels will
revert to more balanced programming sometime around midday on 25
December means that we're in for over 9 weeks of predictable
movies with a lot of evergreen and snowflakes in the
background. That's over 1/6 of the year.
Which is a lot, even for the most ardent fan of the winter
holidays.
On another hand, this is probably the sort of thing that one might
expect from the Hallmark corporation, which has staked their
business plan on the public's enjoyment of all things
holiday. And I suppose that it's nice, in a world with
thousands of TV channels, that that subset of America which enjoys
such things has a place to go for them now---and it's certainly
not like viewing these movies is mandatory.
Still...65 days?
M-->
6 October 02021 (Happy birthday tomorrow!): (Mis) Adventures In
Advertising
I ran across this on the I'net this morning and
thought it should be preserved somewhere.
That is, of course, the flag of Brazil, where the official language
is...Portuguese.
Oops.
M-->
23 September 02021: A Solution To No Problem
This just landed in my email box: Hidden Valley is packaging
its signature product for Halloween.
That's right: Single servings of salad dressing, marketed for
trick-or-treating.
So. Many. Things. Wrong.
I want to believe that this is an elaborate prank, but my calendar
does not read 1 April.
In my continuing effort to look for good wherever I can find it,
I've got to believe that the folks over at Sun-Maid Raisins are happy
about this.
M-->
30 August 02021: Here We Go Again (and again and again and
again and...)
It is, once more, the first day of school. 53rd in a
continuing series for me.
I could have taken an early retirement buyout this past
spring. Right now, the decision not to, though entirely the
right call, is looking incorrect.
M-->
18 August 02021: Adventures In Aviation
While crossing the tarmac at the St. Thomas airport to board our
return flight on Saturday, all of us passengers were handed this
card:
The fact that they have these printed up in bulk suggests that this
is a regular occurrence. Never mind that--it was appropriate.
Here's what this might refer to: When flying out of the St. Thomas
airport, one first checks in with the airline. After that, the
procedure diverges from what one expects on the mainland.
Instead of the airline taking possession of your checked luggage,
you need to carry/drag/roll it to the U.S. Customs checkpoint, go
through a customs interview, and hand it over to those officials.
After that, one waits in the TSA line.
And waits.
And waits.
Owing the the vagaries of flights leaving the Virgin Islands, a
lot of people are trying to get off the island at about the same
time.
After the TSA line, which went through multiple common feeder
labyrinths, then and only then is one released into the staging
areas for the 8 gates. This whole thing certainly qualified
as "unpleasant".
There are at least three ways to fix this, none of which fall
under H.L. Mencken's description of "clear, simple, and wrong".
1. Ease up on TSA security theater. Clear?
Yep. Simple? Not even close--the political barriers
are surely close to insurmountable.. Wrong? Probably
not.
Some progress was made on this front: Passengers passing through
TSA line #3 (including Laurie and me) were instructed not to
remove food or electronics from their carry-on bags. While
this probably didn't save much time due to the size of the mob, it
generated some small amount of goodwill.
2. Crank the AC in the waiting area down to about 60°F.
It was unbelievably hot with all those travelers crammed very
close together. The ambient temperature in the room, with
all of the 99° humans in there, would surely have equilibrated at
something more comfortable.
3. Make the Virgin Islands a state. With that in
place, there's no need for Customs to be involved. The
political ramifications, once again, are immense.
One could argue that there's no need for an import limit on goods
purchased in the Virgin Islands since nothing's being imported
into the USA, but that's surely been beaten to death
elsewhere. Nonetheless, this is the solution I favor.
M-->
15 August 02021, 12:18 PM EDT: Notes From
The Final 2.6%
As I type this, Consumers Energy reports that 97.4% of its
customers currently have power.
The home of The Markives is
not among them, though the office is.
We were somewhat prepared for this possibility through frequent
email updates while enjoying the Caribbean last week, and had held
out some hope as we drove through town that the lights would be on
at home, but the turn onto Linden Ave., enveloped in darkness,
revealed the folly of that dream. By morning's light, it
became clear that we may well be toward the far end of
restoration--a big tree came down and apparently took out a
utility pole, which is down and across the mill race, making
repair or replacement that much more challenging.
The power here was apparently off, then back on, then off again
during the set of storms we missed out on last week.
Fortunately, the heat and humidity aren't so high as to make air
conditioning desirable.
Laurie and I took a walk around town this morning, and the hum of
generators out in our neighborhood may just have to be another of
the sounds of summer. (We have a generator, but haven't felt
a need to fire it up just yet.)
And so we wait.
M-->
6 August 02021 (T + 20): An Extra Summer Number
618: For a good stretch of the road in
New Mexico and Colorado, my car was making the audacious claim
that it could go 618 miles on a single tank of gas.
Taking the 12-gallon gas tank into consideration suggests that I
was capable of getting 50 miles to the gallon for an extended
period of time, which is a bit of a stretch. I won't argue
that sustained driving on relatively straight and uncrowded roads
with the cruise control on increases gas mileage, but I'm not
convinced that I'd've made it even to 550 miles on one tank if I'd
taken the risk of not refueling on a conservative schedule.
When driving through wide-open spaces such as abound in parts of
the American West, it's good sense to fill up well before the
low-fuel indicator light comes on.
There was a very short stretch--about 4 gallons'
worth--where my rough calculations suggest I'd topped 50 mpg, but
that was an n = 1 situation, and needs a lot more study before
it's even remotely reliable.
M-->
3 August 02021: Carbonated Water, Sugar,
Lemon Oil, Lime Oil, Citric Acid, and Potassium Citrate--And Why
They Matter
For some very minor medical reasons, I embarked recently on a
quest to decaffeinate my life, at least for a while.
There've been a few bumps in that road, in the name of
practicality. It turns out that eschewing all caffeine is
incompatible with cross-country driving, especially across states
like Kansas, Nebraska, and Iowa. Nice scenery there, but it
doesn't change a lot.
Nonetheless, I press on. That means a lot more lemon-lime
soft drinks and some careful attention to the ingredients in root
beers. Barq's contains caffeine; Mug does not--to inventory
the offerings of the two industry behemoths.
One thing that I've been thinking about, though, is why any sort
of rivalry between Sprite drinkers and those who favor Sierra Mist
hasn't risen to the intensity level that some people bring to
Coca-Cola v. Pepsi.
I don't claim to have all of the answers, but I think I've got
this one:
It's because everyone involved knows that
both drinks are just poor substitutes for 7 Up, which is a lot
less available at fountain outlets.
Since they know they're settling, at best, for the silver medal
(by a fairly wide margin) of colorless pop, there's a lot less at
stake.
M-->
29 July 02021 (Happy anniversary!): The Numbers Of Summer, 02021
Edition
6699.3: Number of miles driven on this
road trip.* If I didn't live on a dead-end street, I
might've taken the suggestion to drive around the block and bring
that up to an even 6700--but the "around" part of that was kind of
a nonstarter.
*277: I am certain that the state of Colorado established
this as its highway emergency number because the numbers spell out
"CSP", for "Colorado State Police".
I am almost as sure that no one thought about other things that
can be spelt on a telephone keypad with those digits.
49: In this year's edition of the license plate game, we
scored 28 states before crossing the Michigan-Indiana border, but
the drivers of Delaware were all able to avoid us during our
sojourn. We got #49 (Hawaii) in St. George, UT on Day 8,
which made the remaining 2 weeks a fruitless search for the
ecru-on-navy rectangle that is the Delaware plate.
With the pandemic closing borders, it was a tough year for
Canadian and Mexican license plates. We saw 6
provinces--everything Quebec and west--which is about the best
that I hope for when driving in the West, but all were on
commercial trucks. Saskatchewan fell on the last day, so the
continued watching for Delaware paid off right at the end.
Only 2 Mexican states--Sonora and Chihuahua--fell before our gaze,
which is a little under the norm, especially since we spent a
night in Tucson and a fair amount of time near the southern
border.
1: In the reverse version of the license plate game, where
the challenge is to find a Michigan license plate on a moving car
other than my own, every state except Arizona was checked
off. This includes Idaho, which we only passed through en
route from Wyoming to Nevada.
704: Number of photos that I took. Those will take
some time to sort through, but there are a lot of
duplicates. An advantage of digital photography is that it
costs nothing to reshoot a picture.
6: National parks visited (plus 1 national monument).
4 of those were new to us. The travel tree will be greatly
enhanced this Christmas season.
M-->
*--Number of miles driven by Laurie: 0.
We're both okay with that.
4 July 02021 (Happy birthday!): Some Disjointed Thoughts
Unrelated To My New Age Bracket
I moved from my mid-50s into my late 50s last Wednesday. While
this was the occasion for absolutely no retrospection, there are
some thoughts inspired by the events of the last couple of weeks
that have gotten me thinking again. Danger aside, here we go. 1. When it comes to weather alerts, we need a unit of
measurement that is finer than "county". While I was
cheered to hear frequent talk of "polygons" when local-ish
meteorologists were describing the map for last weekend's storm
cells, that is at the same time too nonstandard and not precise
enough without the visual aid.
Counties are, in general, pretty large in area*, so much so that
what's going on at one end may be utterly unrelated, weather-wise,
to the situation at the other end. Certainly that applies to
Calhoun and Kalamazoo counties, and probably every county home to a
reader of this enterprise.
I'm not sure what the substitute is--ZIP codes are too fine, to name
one possibility--but there's a need to target storm information a
little more precisely than we do now. Township boundaries in
more populated areas might have some promise, but we'd need to
educate people about which of those they live in.
2. "Kids say the darnedest things" file: One of my Public
Speaking merit badge Scouts managed to work the phrase "the Lovecraftian
horror of Dr. Bollman" into his final speech last week.
I think that deserves extra credit, if that were an option, which it
isn't.
Having looked into that phrase a little more closely since returning
home, I like it even more.
M-->
*--Kalawao
County (11.991 square miles, population about 90) is an
obvious exception.
17 June 02021: Quote O' The Day
I can appreciate the need to cover all bases, in both time and
space, as well as anyone. That said, I think CNN may be a bit
over-cautious with this line, extracted from an article
about the possible second generation of lunar rovers that's
currently in development:
Autonomous driving researchers working on
Earthbound cars spend a lot of time designing systems to avoid
things
like bicyclists, jaywalkers, construction barrels and other
hazards that have, so far, not been found on the moon.
"So far". Way to avoid taking a stand, even a
non-controversial one such as this.
If the intention is to reward the close reader,
though...well-played, Atlanta.
M-->
10 June 02021 (Happy anniversary tomorrow!): A Study In Contrasts
I was in Las Vegas on and around 1 June, which
was being touted as some kind of post-pandemic Reopening
Day. Most folks didn't wait that long.
On the other hand, the exceptions were kind of amusing in a sort
of contradictory way. Leaving out the obvious examples:
Laurie and I were out for dinner one evening. When the check
came, it was presented to us with a ballpoint* pen still in its
cellophane wrapper. This, we were told, was a safety
measure.
I had kind of thought that the nation was over the obsession with
sterilizing surfaces, including but not limited to that brief time
when people were agonizing over whether or not to microwave their
mail. Here in the office of The Markives, most of the cleaning
supplies distributed liberally throughout the buildings have gone
unused; I don't think that the complicated restocking procedure
detailed on all of the laminated instruction sheets has ever been
used.
It's possible that mathematicians are less messy than, say,
biologists, but I'm not prepared to make that assertion absent
some data.
That said, I took the pen, and its wrapper, with me when we
left. No sense subjecting a presumably innocent patron to a
contagious writing implement.
M-->
*--Today is National Ballpoint Pen Day. Hence
the largely unnecessary adjective.
7 June 02021 (Happy anniversary
tomorrow!): Free Advice, Worth Every Cent
I do not usually give career advice unless I'm being paid for
it. Today is an exception.
Megan, if you're reading, this might be an option down the
line. Over to Silvia Silvia (possibly spelt Sylvia Sylvia*):
Laurie and I saw her in Las Vegas on our recent trip, and both of us
said that we could easily see Megan going down this road.
I'm not sure what that does or doesn't say about us.
M-->
*--It could, I suppose, be Sylvia Silvia or Silvia Sylvia.
3 June 02021 (Happy birthday!): Report From The Field
I'm back, for a while.
If you are ever renting a car in Las Vegas, NV and have any choice
in the matter at pick-up, select a car that isn't white.
When you're looking for an unfamiliar vehicle in a strange parking
lot or garage, it's very useful to be able to eliminate what seems
like 2 out of every 3 cars.
I get that part of the appeal of a white car is temperatures in
triple digits Fahrenheit, but I'd rather be inside a car with the
AC on than wandering a blacktop parking lot in the heat trying to
find my rental car among all of the possibilities.
That said, humidity in single digits makes the heat a lot more
bearable.
Seriously. One day when the local TV weather was on, Laurie
asked me if the humidity in Michigan was ever 6%*.
M-->
*--Michigan ranks #7 among
the states for average relative humidity. Nevada is
#50.
24 May 02021: Another Step Closer
As always, for the benefit of those who don't use the Facebook (Hi,
Monica!), here's the cover art for book #4, which should be out in
August if all goes well.
With that in the ether, it's time to go
research book #5.
M-->
24 May 02021: Nothing To See Here, Folks
In and around the bizarre nature of awards
shows this past 6 months, it would be a relief to hear that there
will be no Emile Arturi Awards this year.
If it were telecast, or if the Emile was a desirable award.
Which it's not, and which it isn't.
There were 2 contenders that we were watching at EAA HQ this year:
Mom and Last Man Standing. Neither one even
came close to the clunky series finale that The Emile
recognizes. In the case of Mom, the fact that Anna
Faris didn't return for the last episode meant that four other
occasionally recurring characters weren't necessary, which knocked
out the possibility of a universal artificial closure. There
were a couple of big storylines that were introduced, but neither
one got resolved in the waning minutes, and so this could be
described as a season finale with cliffhangers masquerading as a
series finale. It avoided everything that it should have.
Last Man Standing spent a little time with clever wordplay
and back-references to Home Improvement--fine by me--but
again didn't try to give everyone their own story. As with Mom,
keeping one performer (Kaitlyn Dever, appearing only briefly and
on an iPad in this case) at a distance lessened the likelihood of
a clunky universal episode to the right level (that would be
0). This one could also be misread down the line in
syndication as a mere season finale. Well done.
This may be the first time that LMS has ever been
described as a model for the future of televised comedy, but it's
appropriate.
M-->
17 May 02021 (Happy birthday!): Apparently I
Am In Troble
...and it has nothing to do with today's birthday.
Laurie and I have been spending some time lately clearing out the
crawl space under our primary living room in preparation for some
insulation work down there later this summer, which has involved
hauling out a lot of construction debris, probably from when the
addition was originally put on. In and among the detritus, I
found this note on Saturday:
I'm not sure what kind of "troble" I'm in, but since we've been
wearing gloves for this work, I'm reasonably certain that the "I
take finger prints" threat poses no real danger.
M-->
12 May 02021: From The E-mailbag
Steve from Allen Park, MI took time out from
celebrating his birthday to offer up a plausible interpretation of
Sticker-mania, as reported here last Tuesday:
I think what we can take
from this is that people don’t have to be reminded to be
fiscally responsible.
Socially responsible is a
different matter entirely.
He also sent along this cartoon, on the same subject (click for a
larger version):
M-->
4 May 02021 (Happy birthday, x2, tomorrow!): Disney Reference
Omitted
There are days, and this is one, when it seems
like the world is being run by 7-year-olds*. (I can get away
with that right now because none of the Gang Of Twelve is within 2
years of age 7, so this won't be read as a personal attack.)
Which of these things is not like the others?
Getting Covid shot #2.
Depositing a check through a credit-union's drive-through
lane.
Voting in a municipal election.
Answer: Depositing the check--because that's the only one of
those 3 things where I was not offered a sticker after
completing that task this morning.
M-->
*--Admittedly, there have been fewer of those
since 20 January 02021.
30 April 02021: Atop A Very Short List
Over at amazon.com, my next book has a Web
page, if not a hard or e-copy, or cover art.
Nonetheless, it ranks #1 on the "New Releases--Baccarat" chart,
which I was not aware was even a thing until last night.
This goes on even as the book's overall sales rank* is somewhere
in the vicinity of #7,000,000. As always, actual publication
(which is scheduled for 13 August 02021) might move that up a
touch.
Clicking through reveals that Mathematics of the Big Four
Casino Table Games is, quite literally, in a class by
itself.
Still, #1 is #1.
M-->
*--Subject to change, but that's where it is as of 10 AM EDT
today.
28 April 02021: Wisdom From The Emailbox
This came in today from Anchorage, AK, as the capper to a story
about maskless protesters berating the local Assembly about...well,
you can probably guess.
Looks like another year of normal life being
held hostage by society's weakest links.
Anchorage has just canceled its July 4
celebration and parade due to virus concerns, so there's more
behind that sentence than mere frustration.
That's a pretty good summary of a lot of what 02021 seems to be
shaping up into. The next line is somehow both profoundly
Alaskan and a sign o' the times for certain parts of the USA
these days.
Anyway, let's smoke weed about it.
I shall let that pass without further
comment.
M-->
12 April 02021 (Happy fake birthday yesterday, and happy
birthday* tomorrow!): Words To Live By, 02021 Edition
Life is a lot more fun if you live it with
thicker skin instead of outrage.
I can't fully explain why, but something
about this resonates with me.
M-->
*--And happy half-birthday, and happy
one-third-birthday!
9 April 02021: Together In Death, As Never* In Life
Celebrity Deathwatch: Prince Philip 13, DMX 11.
This was a case where my "if it's not within an hour, it's not
breaking news" rule was applied in real time for both parties.
That said, someone in my Facebook feed posted DMX's death last
night, which is evidently before it happened. I did not start
the clock then.
M-->
*--I assume, with a pretty high confidence level.
7 April 02021: The Glaringly Obvious Neither Glares Nor Is
All That Obvious. Talk Amongst Yourselves.
Sometimes things which shouldn't need to be said get said
anyway. From one of my AM news emails this morning:
Alcohol,
when used properly, is perfectly legal.
The same can be said for machetes.
Few good things, though, have ever come from mixing the two.
Last night, John Oliver claimed that he had "the face of someone
who has a favorite kind of graphing calculator", though he claimed
little knowledge of mathematics.
He and I don't look all that alike (credit the facial hair for
that), but I can look in the mirror and see such a face.
For the record, my favorite graphing calculator is the TI-85,
which was the first mainstream calculator, graphing or otherwise,
to break the googol barrier by handling numbers greater than 10100.
Of course, that's from 01993, and there have been some nice
techno-upgrades since then. A lot of the number-crunching
for my recent work has been done on a TI-84
Plus C Silver Edition, which has better screen resolution,
has gone back to rechargeable batteries, and sports a color
display, though my primary color interest on that machine was to
outfit it with an aftermarket red cover.
M-->
*--Today I learned that this means that I own one model of
graphing calculator for each year I've been alive.
Interesting.
29 March 02021 (Happy birthday tomorrow!): From Lubbock To
Los Angeles
It is said that history doesn't repeat itself,
but historical situations recur. So it (sort of) is with
college basketball.
In 02019, Texas Tech singlehandedly eliminated both Michigan and
Michigan State from the NCAA Division I men's basketball
tournament (The Markives,
1 April 02019). Tomorrow night in Indiana, UCLA has a chance
to repeat that double play, albeit in the other order.
Here's hoping that things turn out differently this time, although
I suspect the fact that many people like underdogs will mean that
not a lot of the country outside of metro Ann Arbor (and maybe a
few Big Ten conference loyalists) will be rooting for
Michigan. The spirit of the infracaninophile is strong.
M-->
12 March 02021 (Happy birthday yesterday!): Eschewing The Easy
Targets*
Laurie and I are on rather different daily
calendars. Typically, she's much more "early to be, early to
rise" than I will ever voluntarily be. We make it work.
This means that the first few minutes that we see each other in
the morning typically involve trading notes about what I did the
previous night and what she's already been up to in the early
hours o' the day. Usually this is a re-affirmation that
nothing important happens in darkness, but I had a pretty good
nonstandard response one day last summer. When Laurie asked if she
had missed anything the night before, I told her that I had,
overnight, "won a class-action lawsuit".
Which was true.
And certainly doesn't happen every day. (At least one would
hope not.)
It was the suit against Sirius/XM involving the true meaning of
"lifetime subscription". It hasn't quite wrapped up yet, but
I'm hoping to get some small cash consideration, and certainly a
release from future payments.
Today, Laurie had her own non-routine news to report. In the
early hours of 12 March, she got herself enrolled in a CDC study.
Nothing major--there's no cause for alarm--but she's having a very
minor side effect from her first Covid-19 vaccination, and while
seeking out information online, wound up enrolling in said study.
Not what one expects to hear at the start of the day.
We await further medical updates, and continued interesting
overnight developments.
M-->
*--Those would be "365ish days of an official
Covid-19 pandemic" and "Daylight Saving Time is
awful". I have nothing to add to the voluminous (and
often pointless) rants on those subjects that are currently
clogging the I'net.
2 March 02021: Stepping Out
Tom Lehrer has claimed
that political satire became obsolete when Henry Kissinger was
awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, an actual event which far
outstripped anything a comedian could conceive of.
Perhaps the same can be said of the Trump administration. It
may not be a complete coincidence that yesterday's announcement
that the Capitol Steps are
closing up shop after 39 years comes on the heels of that
administration's departure.
I'm not prepared to say that political comedy is dead, but it's
got to be a lot harder today than it was 6 months ago. And
that's factoring the pandemic out of the equation.
I've been a fan of the Steps since about 01991; Laurie and I have
seen them perform live 7 times, in 6 different cities*. The
last time (now "the last time" in more ways than one) was one year
ago yesterday in Las Vegas.
Which, I've frequently thought, might've been a good place for a
Steps resident show. Alas, it doesn't look like that's going
to happen.
Farewell, and thank you.
M-->
*--The duplicate city was Interlochen, MI.
The Steps frequently played Ann Arbor on July 4, and from there
it's a quick jaunt up two-lane highways to play at Interlochen
on July 5.
1 March 02021 (Happy birthday yesterday and
overmorrow*!): A Looming Trainwreck With A Long Lead Time
In the home of The Markives,
the TV is frequently showing reruns of The Big Bang Theory
on TBS. The reasons are simple: it's a funny show, it's good
background noise, and it's the kind of show that can be enjoyed
simply from the audio track.
Indeed, this is very often true of multi-camera sitcoms, since the
number of locations is typically not very large, and many of the
visuals can be filled in from memory.
That means, though, that since about the middle of February, I've
seen and heard a lot of promos for Chad, a new show that's
slated to debut sometime in April.
And that show looks awful.
Just awful.
Knowing the gimmick behind the show (which, to me, is ridiculous)
doesn't change my assessment. It certainly doesn't make me
more likely to watch it, even in the faint hope that this might
fall into "so bad, it's good" territory.
I've long held to the belief that if an entertainment product is
being advertised ahead of its premiere in a timespan best measured
in months, it's probably terrible. (This doesn't work the
other way, incidentally: Often a product known to be in for
critical bashing is held back from advance previews and promotion
in an effort to capture some box office dollars before word gets
out.) This shows all the signs of that.
Others will make the final judgment, of course--I don't plan to
tune in.
M-->
*--Birthweek, of course, in the case of the
latter.
19 February 02021: And The Winner Is...
There have been, as one might expect, a great number of
reminiscences about Rush Limbaugh on and around the I'net this week.
This is the best one.
And it's not even close.
No one else need try to top this. The contest is over.
M-->
18 February 02021: Quote O' The Day: Clarence Speaks!
We turn to a sentence attributed to Mark
Twain--and even though he
didn't say it, he should have--but properly credited to
Clarence Darrow:
I have never killed any one, but I have read
some obituary notices with great satisfaction.
At a time when all parts of the political spectrum are acting in
complete disregard for anything approaching consensus, I am
certain that the recent deaths of Larry Flynt and Rush Limbaugh
are giving both right and left wings reason to live the truth of
this quote--for I am sure that many of us can appreciate the
sentiment here.
It's nice when people can agree on something, even something as
incredibly minor as this.
M-->
5 February 02021: Celebrity Deathwatch: Nonagenarian Women
With Unusual First Names Beginning With "C" Division
As overspecialized as that category seems, we
had two recent entrants. Cloris Leachman and Cicely Tyson
battled to an 11-11 draw.
M-->
24 January 02021: An Amusing Coincidence And Nothing More
This image seemed kind of appropriate for today.
From 2 September 01974:
M-->
*--Recycling a title from 12 years ago today.
18 January 02021: Blast From The Past
I made a phone call on Saturday evening, and got...a busy signal.
In a world with near-universal voice mail, it was actually kind of
fun to hear that buzzing.
One wonders how many young people have never heard that sound.
For their edification, here it is.
M-->
13 January 02021, 4:19 PM EST: As The Voting Continues
M-->
7 January 02021: 02021, To 02020: "Hold My Beer"
Cabinet officials who are resigning
or thinking about resigning right now are at risk of abdicating
what might be their single greatest responsibility, should this national
embarrassment go the 25th Amendment route.
Once again, I recommend Full
Disclosure, about the use, or not, of the 25th
Amendment to sideline a blind President. (Also once again:
This refers to William Safire's book, not Stephanie Clifford's.)
Over on the Congressional side of things, it is somewhat vexing to
hear Senators and Representatives simply suggesting that maybe the
I-word is called for again. If you think so, you have an
obligation to take action to make it happen, and you alone have
that power.
||: Once again, it would be nice to see someone in power
actually do something. :||
M-->
4 January 02021 (Happy New Year!): Is It Safe To Come Out Yet?
Maybe. Or maybe not--which is, after all, the same thing.
On to a roundup of the last couple of weeks, in which so much (RIP x
1 this time.) has happened.
1. Celebrity Deathwatch: Dawn Wells 3, Pierre Cardin 0.
Sounds about right to me.
2. Lake Superior State University has jumped the gun a bit by banishing
"social distancing" before the current pandemic ends. (The Markives, 22 March
02020) Good on them for their optimism.
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